It has been one and a half month since i came here as an exchange student.For the past time,i have gone through several times' "culture shock" and deeply experienced the interest and embarrassment because of the "Intercultural Behavior".
The following is one of the scenarios caused by the Intercultural Behaviors.
(Introduction of the main Characters in the scenario:
Ricky:an exchange student from America.
Neus:an exchange student from Spain,who is my best girl friend here.)
Ricky and Neus lived in the same block in PGP,because of Neus,Ricky and I became friends.The week before last week,he threw a "mexican food party" and invited Neus and I to join it.I was quite excited about it and was willing to go to that party.I thought he would just invite several close friends to that party and we could cook together and chat.Because in my past life in China,just when our friendship goes to certain level will we invite each other for that kind of party.
Actually,i have thought about the Intercultural thing,i thought that there might be some hidden traditions like the guests should bring something to that party,such as chips,cookies and drinks.So even though Ricky didn't ask us to do that,we still decided to bring some chips and drinks.
When we went to that party.I was really shocked by how the party turned out to be.
There were almost 20 people in the kitchen,most of them I hadnt met before.So it was not a party for close friends,because many of them was introducing themselves to each other,apparently they were strangers to each other.
When i was trying to help Ricky prepare the food,he was so busy preparing for it that he barely talked to me and taught me how to do.So it was not a party for friends to cook together and chat.
As the party went on,more and more people came,when they got there,they just started getting something to eat then began introducing themselves to each other.But for me,at first i didn't even know if it was proper to eat if not all the people had arrived.
I will skip the details of that party and directly jump to the end of my involving in that party.After about 2 hours,it seemed that all the guests had tasted the food,Ricky began to charge money for that party.Oh,then i knew that was the reason Ricky didn't ask us to bring anything.Actually i quite regretted about bringing the chips and drinks...In my opinion,if someone throws a party,he will definitely not charge money for that party,since asking for money from your friends is kind of awkward.
Hopefully,i had brought enough money with me that night,otherwise that night would be more awkward for me.
So if you want to enjoy yourself better while involving into other intercultural activities,you'd better try to know the hidden rules for those activities.
UCS1001 S21 Tri1 2024-25
3 weeks ago
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting post, Vikki, perfectly illustrative of the "hidden rules" of culture. As an American who was also a college student who attended many parties, I can relate to a party like the one Ricky organized. For us, one of the joys of a party is meeting new people. However, having lived in Asia for many years, I now realize this is quite odd and not culturally universal, and I know that in many Asian contexts, parties are meant to be intimate situations with dear friends.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand about Ricky is his need to charge money for guests. I never experienced that in America. Never! That might be a particular expectation of his. Which brings up an important issue: When are behaviors specific to one person and not really typical of the group to which that person belongs? Discerning the particular and the stereotypical is important for anyone who wants to become culturally more sensitive.
In any case, thank you for your detailed post.
And enjoy the rest of your cross-cultural learning here in Singapore(and beyond)!
Hey Vikki!
ReplyDeleteI'm staying in hall now and I also have experiences with these cooking sessions. I think my Singaporean friends do charge for the meal as they all knew each other quite well and everyone help in cooking or washing.
However, I guess Ricky may be careless in a way that he didn't tell you beforehand that there will be random people going to that party and he will not be treating for the food. I agree that asking for money is kind of awkward.
Maybe you can find out the details next time before you attend any party!
=)
hey vikki!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brad... I have experienced this type of parties when I was on exchange in Canada. The fun part was meeting new people and sometimes even the host doesn't know the guests as they are friends of friends. The shocking part for me is where you were charged for the food. Usually, the host provides a very basic food items but the guests in addition bring in more food and drinks.
However, when a close group of friends and I cook together we usually split the cost of groceries. This is to make sure that we are being fair and that the person who purchases the groceries doesn't have to pay for an entire share of 10-15 crowd!
I guess next time you can sorta find out details in a casual chat.
hello vikki,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting post about the 潜规则 of different cultures indeed! I can totally understand why you felt so shocked about the way Ricky's party turned out to be be because it's simply so different from what we were taught since young right? Most Asians won't expect their guests to pay for the food provided(this is believed to be a basic obligation of the host)and usually inform the guests of the identity of others who are attending. Haha I had only being to such a party once but I wasn't so sure about what to say at first :p
Anyway, I agree with Brad that one person's behaviour is not representative of all westerners. Haha so I guess we still have to see each person as an individual on top of their cultural backgrounds. Either way i think you did the right thing to bring the drinks and chips because it is always 'better safe than sorry' right :D
Dearest Vikki,
ReplyDeleteI was quite amused when I read your post because I felt that you are very honest when you described your post.
I don't understand why your friend threw a party and also bothered to charge others for it. Is it not a norm for people to host a party and made sure that it was paid for. I think his main aim of the party was purely to interact with more of his friends, and much less invite them for a meal. So it's not wrong that you felt that it was awkward that he started to ask others for money.
I liked how you felt that you should not have gone empty handed. My mother often tells me not to do the same when I go for a party because it's out of courtesy and a nice gesture to do so. As the host, I would have really appreciated your kind gesture and would have been quite happy that you did. Please don't feel that you buying drinks and chips was a waste because you had to pay for the other food. I believe that such a good practice will put you in good stead even at a party you did not have to pay for.
Hope it does not deter you from continuing to make friends and all on top of enjoying your vibrant hall life.
Hi Vikki,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting post. I myself had not been to such parties before and I certainly hope to attend one such parties in the future.
For us Asians, most of us would organise and decide the way the party is going to be held. And most of the time we will split the cost of the party.
I myself will be shocked if I wasn't told that I have to pay for the party prior to it. It will be especially embarassing if I had went to such parties without any cash with me.
Anyway I guess you and your friend were right to bring along some food for the party. You never know what will happen, and you had prepared for the worst. It is really thoughtful of you and your friends.
Thanks once again
Brad Blackstone:
ReplyDeleteHi,Brad,thank you for your comment.Sorry for being so late to read your comment.
Yeah,when we throw a party,it is meant to be intimate situations with dear friends,at least for me and my friends.
Ok,since you said that,i will just regard Ricky's charging for the party as an exception,not the representation for the typical US's party.
Yeah,i am still in process of learning cross-culture behaviours here.I hope i can learn more.
Sze Hui:
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
I have one question:
You said that"my Singaporean friends do charge for the meal as they all knew each other quite well and everyone help in cooking or washing."So,you mean the Singaporean people usually charge for the meal when they hold a party because they are familiar with each other?Is that a typical situation among Singapore people?
Crackpot:
ReplyDeleteHi,thank you very much for your comment.
"Usually, the host provides a very basic food items but the guests in addition bring in more food and drinks."That's exactly what i thought this party would be.Anyway,like Brad said,Ricky's party was an exception.
jingyang:
ReplyDeleteHi,thank you for your comment.
"Most Asians won't expect their guests to pay for the food provided(this is believed to be a basic obligation of the host)and usually inform the guests of the identity of others who are attending."Yeah,i know you can really understand how i felt since we are both from China,haha.
Jane:
ReplyDeleteHi,thank you for your comment.
I'm so so so flattered when you begin with "Dearest Vikki".Thank you again.
"I was quite amused when I read your post because I felt that you are very honest when you described your post."Tell you the truth, i am really an honest person haha.
"I believe that such a good practice will put you in good stead even at a party you did not have to pay for."Thank you so much for your advice.I will still bring some drink and chips to my next party.
Keldren:
ReplyDeleteHi,thank you for your comment.
"I myself had not been to such parties before and I certainly hope to attend one such parties in the future."If you want to try it,just tell me,i will be glad to invite you to attend that kind of party together.
"It will be especially embarassing if I had went to such parties without any cash with me. "Lucky for me,i did bring enought cash.By the way,i want to point out your small mistake:I think is "I had gone" not "I had went".
Hey Vikki,
ReplyDeleteIt's not considered a party but just a normal cooking session where everyone has mutual understanding that's it will not be a free meal.
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